Reliance
by Grown Up Ron
Summary: Set in the Know Thy Self Universe. Blaise struggles to accept his growing attachment to someone so very far outside his normal social circles. Written by my beta belana30


Blaise Zabini did not like it when his life did not go according to plan and the last three days had been more than tiresome for it. His entire summer, things had been progressing just as he had intended. He worked an actual job two days a week at Gringotts studying curse breaking and haunted caves and caverns around the globe. While, he had most certainly not needed the money, nor did working really interest him, the chance to explore more hidden places and improve upon his curse-breaking skills was too tempting of an offer to ignore when Professor Dumbledore had taken his time to help secure the position for him.

The remaining five days a week he dedicated himself wholly over to his family's latest acquisition, the Appleby Arrows. Though waiting to announce the acquisition publicly at his birthday event in two weeks, Blaise had devoted his summer to managing his professional quidditch team with a decent amount of success if the team's rankings were any indication.

His third project was Susan. His working in London twice a week afforded him opportunity to see her over lunch as she was working at the Ministry all summer and living in London with her Aunt. His relationship with Susan was fulfilling to him. His parents had given their grudging approval of her after having her, her parents and her Aunt over for dinner on a few occasions over the summer. Though, Blaise suspected that the approval came more with the approval of her ties to the Ministry and the influence of her Aunt, more than approval of the girl. However, Susan had charmed her way into his father's good graces and his mother still struggled to find something negative to say about the Hufflepuff that Blaise had taken for his own.

On the other side though, Blaise had also spent three weekends at Susan's parent's home in Chelsea. It was of adequate size and comfort, only six bedrooms to speak of and ten acres of land and trees. Her parents were kind and polite people and had always done their best to make Blaise feel welcome in their home.

Susan had devoted herself entirely over to her position, coordinating within the Ministry and even into other countries to expand the centaurs protected lands within England and also France and Belgium. All reports from the Ministry seemed to indicate that Susan was destined to follow her Aunt's footsteps.

Thus, everything was perfect, he had four more weeks of summer. Two weeks until his birthday festivities where he could publicly announce his ownership of the Arrows and he would make the announcement with Susan standing at his side. This placed him in position to go back to Hogwarts for his final year with everything in his favor.

Well, it was perfect until seven days ago. Sitting in the back seat of the magic auto his parents had acquired for him (since he could not apparate until after his 17th birthday), he tapped his shoe with a nervous twitch and caught his driver and security guard noticing the break in his demeanor.

"We will arrive at 4:45, just as you had requested, Sir," the driver spoke up noticing that he had Blaise' attention.

Blaise nodded and looked back out the window. That gave him fifteen minutes to decide what to do. Looking over at the newspaper article on the seat next to him, he clenched his fists with rage. Deatheaters, having continued their random disturbances and attacks all summer, had struck a bold move. There, in bold print across the front page of the Daily Prophet, read the headline, "Amelia Bones—Murdered." The Deatheaters had attacked the apartment where Susan and her Aunt were living. They killed the guards on duty in the middle of the night, though the head of the Department of Defense, Amelia and Susan had managed to kill or injure twenty Deatheaters before Voldemort had arrived on the scene and killed Amelia Bones. He was not certain how much Susan had seen or been involved with, but from Ginny's reports there was evidence of some strong shields being cast and broken in that apartment. Shields of the type that Susan would be using and not her Auror-trained Aunt.

Only half of that story was published in the article. There was no mention of Susan being part of the fighting. A photo of Amelia's body being carried from the building and Susan's pale form watching nearby were under the headline. Most of the details of the story he had gathered from Ginny Weasley the next morning. Her father had been called in over night and Ginny had met him as he arrived at Gringotts the following morning and told him what had occurred. Susan had been taken to St. Mungos for evaluation and then sent home with her parents.

Blaise had not heard from Susan since the accident only one note to confirm that she was indeed alive and well and that she was expecting him at he Aunt's funeral. Blaise had accepted, but for all his good breeding and manners he was at a loss of what to say to Susan when he saw her again. After four days of brooding over the event, Blaise was quickly losing patience.

"You don't have to be so nervous," Daphne's cool voice interrupted his thoughts. "Your anger is not going to help this situation."

The blond Slytherin, perhaps Blaise's only true friend, Daphne had agreed to attend the funeral with him, though he suspected it had little to do with concern over Susan, and more to do with the fact that Seamus was also going to be attending. She was dressed in a conservative black robe, but her skirt and heels revealed too much leg for her attire to considered demur.

"I am not nervous," Blaise snapped at her, annoyed at her jab.

"No?" Daphne asked nodding to his tapping foot again. "Are you certain?" 

"Why are you here, Daphne?" Blaise asked turning the tables on her, he knew she wasn't worried about Susan.

The gorgeous blond smiled at him from across the seat, "I am you friend, Blaise, and I don't want you to make a mistake with Bones when you get to the funeral."

Blaise arched one eyebrow, "Susan and I do not need help from you."

Daphne's throaty chuckle rankled, "Fine, you don't want my advice? Then to answer your question, I didn't want to floo to the funeral and I happen to like arriving in style."

Blaise nodded, her answer was understandable and acceptable in his eyes. At least he wouldn't have to walk into the funeral alone. He knew that the newspapers would be covering this and he hated being in the paper almost as much as he hated disorder.

He considered what he should say to Susan when they arrived, but "I'm sorry" or "Are you alright?" seemed weak at best. Looking out the window, he saw a large gathering of wizards and witches on the lawn outside of the Bones' residence, gathered at the small family graveyard near the rear of the property he and Susan and run by several times this summer.

"Well, they aren't poor," Daphne remarked on seeing the Bones' residence, a stone house situated on a large tract of land for the first time. The lawn, landscaping and gardens were immaculate and covered a good portion of the grounds immediately adjacent to the house scattered in an amongst the trees. Daphne leaned forward, "It has a nice, homey feel to it, doesn't it?"

Blaise didn't bother answering. His driver stopped outside the gate and walked around, opening the door for Blaise to step out and then offering a hand to Daphne. Blaise straightened his black robes, knocking a small piece of flint away and then looked over to Daphne.

She smiled gamely, "I'm ready when you are and don't frown so much in the photos. I hate it when you look unhappy to be with me."

Blaise' frown worsened, "Blasted newspapers. Couldn't they find something more news worthy to dissect?"

Blaise escorted Daphne across the yard and approached the area where chairs had been set up for the attendees. Daphne managed her way through the grass with her heels better than he would have expected, "Oh, Blaisey, don't you know that they are here for all the big wigs that will be here to pay their respect. Including a Mr. Harry Potter and heir to Zaibini fortune? Come now, don't disappoint."

Blaise sighed, "The Minister will be here as well as most of Susan's extended family. Those people should be the people focused on today."

As the first of the flash bulbs went off in their direction, Daphne laughed and whispered to Blaise, "Too late." When the photos were over, Blaise waived the cameramen away and the pair stopped looking around at the large group of people, including a number of classmates that were present.

Blaise didn't see Susan, truly the only person he was interested in seeing, but noticed Daphne's broad smile at seeing a certain Irish Gryffindor standing with a group of classmates including Ginny Weasely and Harry Potter not too far off.

"Blaise, go, find her parents. I will save us seats," Daphne smiled at him before wandering off in their direction. Blaise wandered about the milling crowd, nodding to the many wizards and witches he recognized there, but all the while keeping his eyes open for the long fall of blond hair that would be Susan. He found Susan's father first, greeting people in the crowd as they came and expressed their sympathy. He recognized several of the school's instructors, Professors Sprout, McGonagal, and Dumbledore among them.

"Blaise," Mr. Bones smiled in greeting. "I had a feeling you would come. Susan is back in the house. Would you mind going to find her? It is getting close to time and I know she would want to see you."

Dr. Bones looked tired, and his usual smile had left the man and Blaise nodded, still unsure of what to say. He walked back across the lawn and let himself into the house after a polite rap at the backdoor. When he entered, many of what he guessed as the extended family and friends were sitting in the parlor. Susan's mother, Emma, stood at his entrance and appeared just as happy to see him as Susan's father had. "Blaise! Oh, it is so good of you to come." She walked across the room and hugged him for a second before turning and announcing to the crowd, "This is Susan's friend, Blaise." Blaise was proud of refraining from grimacing at the hug and was grateful that Emma had made no allusions to his family, though from the surprised and impressed faces of the people gathered there, at least some of them knew who he was.

The well-meaning Aunts all smiled and nodded in his direction and Blaise' manners had been perfected since birth. He bowed slightly to the women, "Ladies," he greeted them and then looked to Emma. "Dr. Bones sent me to bring Susan out. I believe it is almost time."

Mrs. Bones nodded, her large brown eyes filled with tears that she quickly wiped away, "We will go on outside. I am sure Charles has reached his limit."

Blaise stepped away from the woman, glad to distance himself from the crying, when she grabbed his sleeve, "Susan will be glad to see you, Blaise. She is taking this very hard."

Blaise didn't bother replying to the warning, he just walked out of the room and up the stairs towards Susan's bedroom.

He found the door closed, knocked twice, and then waited for a reply. When nothing was said, he knocked again louder and called, "Susan?" Still, there was no reply. "Susan?" Blaise called a second and then third time before turning the handle, not surprised to find it locked.

"Aloha mora," Blaise flicked his wand the lock clicked open, allowing Blaise to enter Susan's room.

He had been there before, the white bed, the plants and books scattered about. Susan herself was dressed in black robes and sat in the windowsill of her room, looking out of the window down towards where the people were gathered.

Blaise stopped inside the doorway, when Susan didn't turn to look at him, he spoke. "Why didn't you send word?"

Susan turned away from the window and looked at him. He saw the dark circles under her eyes, the worry, the pain of losing her Aunt, all there on her face. "You saw it all in the papers and I sent a note."

"I saw both," Blaise replied slightly annoyed. "Though, not everything was there."

"No, it wasn't," Susan agreed and looked back out the window.

Blaise looked at the ceiling, wishing for help and truly uncomfortable at actually caring about someone's feelings. He moved further into the room, only stopping when he was less than an arm's length away, "There are a lot of people down there."

"Reporters, you mean," Susan sneered. "They have been awful."

"They are always awful," Blaise agreed emphatically. "Though, many of those people are also your Aunt's friends and they want to say good-bye to her. Your father asked me to escort you outside. I believe they want to start the ceremony soon."

Susan stood, sliding her feet into black heels and then turning to Blaise. "How do I look?"

Blaise took in the modest black dress, the basic heels. She wore her hair straight and hanging loose down her back, the way he preferred it. She looked tired and delicate and Blaise found himself surprised by the sudden urge to hold her, to swear that everything would be fine, and tell her that he loved her.

Instead, he offered her his arm, "You look tired, but otherwise, beautiful," Blaise praised her, hoping the compliment would gain him some form of emotion from her.

Susan had a hint of a smile for a moment, but then it was gone, "We can't go outside together. It will be all over the papers."

"It was going to be after my birthday, regardless," Blaise shrugged. "Unless you would prefer to go out alone? We don't have to deal with this today."

Susan shook her head, "No, I want you to stay. You are the one so concerned about appearances."

Blaise didn't bother arguing with her. They left the house and most everyone was seated by the time Blaise and Susan reached the cemetery. Blaise escorted Susan to the front row of seats where her parents were waiting for her, but when he made to leave, she grabbed his hand and left Blaise little choice but to take the seat next to her. He felt his face heating with embarrassment at the quiet murmur behind them. However, when Susan's eyes caught his own and he saw the pain and fear there, he would not leave her. He was right, what did it matter if the press found out today or two weeks from now that they were together?

Blaise attempted to focus on the ceremony. Several people from the Ministry spoke about Amelia's life, the vibrant woman she was and the service she had done for the Ministry. Several mentioned Amelia's fondness for Susan and her wish for all wizards to live together in harmony. Blaise paid little attention to the actual details. He had respected Susan's Aunt and the shocking act by the Deatheater's had to be dealt with and soon.

To his surprise, and delight, Susan made it through the entire ceremony without shedding a single tear or making a public scene out of her grief. She could have been cut out of stone, but for the firm grip she had on both his hand and her mother's no one would have been the wiser as to how deeply she was upset by it all. Susan's strength and guardedness had always been one of the things that most attracted him to her.

When it was over, she helped disperse the crowd, but every time Blaise meant to walk away from her, she would ask him to stay with a hand on his arm or a look. So, stay he did. He ignored the curious glances of the adults and the knowing smirks of the students from Hogwarts. They all remembered the end of term and the rumors of Blaise and Susan's relationship. He stayed at her elbow through it all, speaking only when spoken to, trying to ignore the curious stares and trying to focus on Susan.

Daphne left with Seamus, the other students from Hogwarts expressing their sympathies before leaving. Daphne must have known that Blaise was not going to be leaving as early as he had planned.

Regardless of Blaise' discomfort, eventually most everyone left and Susan took his hand again, tightly in her own grip. Blaise wasn't sure if he should tell her that he was afraid it was going numb, instead he pried her fingers from around his hand and tucked it into the crook of his arm. "Have you eaten anything today?" he asked her. "Are you hungry?"

Susan turned her dull eyes, looking tired now that everyone's attention was no longer focused on her, "I just want to go back to my room."

Blaise nodded and took her back inside the house. Her parents were in the kitchen, talking quietly amongst themselves when the pair entered the house. Blaise's driver, Rodger, sat in the front room, reading a newspaper and only looked up as Blaise walked by.

Emma turned at the sound of the door opening, "We are going to start some supper. Will Blaise be joining us tonight for supper, dear?"

Susan's fingers tightened on Blaise's arm, "I'm not very hungry, but is it all right if Blaise stays tonight with us?"

"Of course, dear," her mother immediately agreed. "The guest room is still made up from when he was here last time. That is if it is alright with his parents."

"They are in Greece for the next few days. I will have some things sent over. Thank you for having me, Mr. and Mrs. Bones," Blaise immediately agreed. It seems all three of them would do whatever Susan asked in that moment, if it would only make her smile again.

Dr. Bones walked over to Susan and drew her daughter to him, hugging her closely and then looking down at her face. "Why don't you take a nap, dear? We'll call you when supper is ready."

Susan nodded, stepping back to Blaise's side, but she took his hand and drew him upstairs with her. Blaise waited until they were out of hearing, "Why don't you get changed? I need to send for some clothes."

Susan agreed and walked into her bedroom before Blaise retreated downstairs and gave Rodger instructions for the night. Emma joined them and offered a second room for Rodger's use for the evening. Blaise thanked her for her kindness and then walked back upstairs and knocked on Susan's door once more.

It eased open under his hand and he found Susan dressed in pajamas bottoms and a tank top sitting on her bed. "Everything is taken care of. Do you want me to leave you alone so you can sleep?" Blaise asked her, still unsure of what to do.

"No," Susan replied, reaching for him. Blaise sat down across from her on the bed. He waited for her to say something, not wanting to touch her, but at the same time wanting to crawl into bed with her and hold her while she cried everything out on his shoulder. Realizing how foolish that sounded, he waited for Susan to tell him what she wanted.

Susan took a deep breath, "Would you mind holding me for awhile?" she all but whispered to him.

Blaise stood, removed his shoes and dress robe, leaving both neatly stacked on a nearby chair and then held the blankets up for Susan to climb in. He tucked her in and then lay down beside her, on his back, and gathered her to him. He hoped that there would be enough clothing that her parent's would not immediately toss him out of the house.

Blaise stroked her hair, hoping that Susan would say something or fall asleep, but when neither seemed to happen, he asked the question, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Susan stiffened against him, but then she took a deep breath, "There isn't much to tell."

"I am not going anywhere," Blaise returned wanting the details for himself as much as he suspected that Susan needed to speak about the events.

"My Aunt woke me when the wards were broke on the apartment. We headed for the fire escape outside, but someone had blocked the window. She blasted a hole in the side of the wall while the pounding continued out in the hall. She had me jump out of the apartment. She said she was going to be right behind me and then she wasn't. There were a couple of deatheater's on the landing outside, but I dealt with them. I turned around to look for her and saw her face in the hole, but then she was pulled back in and she was terrified. She told me to run. I made it about halfway down the fire escape before I heard the scream and then there was an explosion. By the time I got back to the apartment, she was dead on the floor and the place had been decimated. She caused the explosion. There were wounded and dead all around her. I prevented any of the wounded from escaping and did what I could for them until the Aurors arrived."

"She wanted you to live, Susan," Blaise told her. "Your Aunt was a smart woman and I am sure she had intended to follow you."

"I should have stayed, Blaise," Susan whispered, shaking her head against his shoulder and he felt her tears fall on his shirt. "Why didn't I stay and fight? How many times am I going to be the cowardly Hufflepuff? Why did I go through all that training if it wasn't to help?"

"Because she wanted you to live," Blaise told her surprised at her guilt. "You did what you were told and your Aunt was a fully trained Auror. She knew what she was doing. If Voldemort was there, and I am sure he was, he would have killed you if he had the opportunity. No one that would outwardly challenge Draco Malfoy to a duel can be considered a coward."

If Susan heard him, she didn't reply, she turned her face into his shoulder and broke down, her body shaking with the force of her quiet sobs until finally she was spent. Blaise was stunned, holding her as best he could and stroking her hair while she soaked his shirt. She fell asleep almost as soon as her tears were over and Blaise was overcome and slightly embarrassed by the trust she placed in him to allow him to be there with her. He held her until he heard a soft knock on the door. He slid out from under Susan and opened the door to find her mother waiting outside.

Emma saw his tear-stained shirt and she smiled knowingly, "Is she asleep?"

Blaise nodded and Emma whispered seeing Susan in her bed behind him, "Then why don't you get cleaned up and join us for dinner. I am sure she will be out the rest of the night."

Blaise left Susan alone and walked down the guest room they had prepared for him. He found his clothes folded neatly on his bed. He changed into jeans and a black dress shirt, checked his hair and then joined Susan's parents downstairs.

They had obviously been talking about him when he entered, but they were both polite and motioned for him to join them at the table.

"Everyone keeps bringing over food," Emma explained. "Help yourself to anything you like, Blaise. Rodger, why don't you come join us?"

Blaise's security guard walked into the kitchen and took the fourth seat, "Thank you for your hospitality, Mrs. Bones, Dr. Bones."

"No need for that," Dr. Bones waved the man away. "You are doing us a favor by helping us get rid of the food."

Rodger and Blaise began eating when Dr. Bones spoke up, "I understand you've been working at Gringotts this summer, Blaise. Are you still liking it?"

"It's been educational," Blaise agreed and continued talking about his work at Gringotts and then changed the subject to quidditch. This got them through the rest of the meal and Blaise was not sure when he had spoken so much and never to Susan's parents. They were comfortable, unassuming people just as Susan was and for tonight, he supposed he gave them a ready distraction.

Once the meal was finished, Rodger helped Mrs. Bones with the dinner dishes and Blaise went upstairs intending to review a contract for acquiring the new chaser that the General Manager had been wanting to acquire for the Arrows. Neither of the Bones disturbed him for the rest of the night. Rodger checked in before going to sleep himself and Blaise set his own wards on the door for the night.

Blaise slept fitfully in a strange place and when his door opened in the middle of he night and his wards did not immediately alarm him, he knew who was going to be there. In the dim light of the full moon shining in through the bedroom window, he saw Susan cross the floor and held the blankets open for her as she climbed in beside him.

"You must have been bored," she apologized immediately. "I'm sorry for earlier."

"The dinner was adequate and I brought some work with me," Blaise told her. "It was not a wasted evening."

"Good," Susan nodded and then reached over and touched his face. "I am glad you came today. I am sorry if it was awkward for you."

"It seemed appropriate," Blaise replied calmly.

Susan moved towards him, "I have missed you. It's been too long since we have had some time alone together."

Blaise understood the underlying desire in Susan's words and pulled her closer to him. He kissed her then, gently at first, and then with increasing passion as she responded to him. Her fingers wound their way into his hair as he trailed kisses down the side of her neck to her shoulder. Susan moaned as his teeth gently scraped over the pulse point there that he knew she liked. He kissed her again as his hands wandered towards the bottom of her tank top and touched the bare skin there.

They had been dating for three months, and this was not their first time they had shared a bed together, but Susan had always stopped them before things had progressed too far. This night was different, Susan was hurried, more responsive and demanding of Blaise so that in a matter of a short time frame they were both down to their underwear and shirtless and Blaise's desire for her was driving him to distraction.

As Blaise made love to first one and then the other of her breasts, with Susan moaning beneath him, she pulled his head away from her enough for her to look him in the eyes, "Blaise, make love to me."

The trust and caring Blaise saw there was almost too much for him. He wasn't sure what prompted him to ask, "Have you done this before?"

Nothing could have ruined his night worse than her response. "No, I. . . no."

Blaise growled in frustration and rolled away, sitting up on the bed facing away from her. Afraid if he looked at her, he would change his mind. "Get out of here, Susan."

"Blaise? What's wrong?" Susan's hesitant reply asked and he felt her light touch on his shoulder.

"Don't touch me, Susan. Just leave," Blaise gritted out, the throbbing in his nether regions threatening to kill him.

"But, why?" Susan's innocent question angered him and gave him a place to vent his frustration.

Turning to look at her, he sneered, "Because your Aunt died a week ago and her funeral was today. You don't know what you are wanting and I am not going to take advantage of you in that way. I intend for you to enjoy it enough to want to repeat the event often. I have no intention of you associating us with today's events. Now, get out of my sight."

He looked back out of the window, gritting his teeth against the urge to reach for her. When he didn't hear Susan immediately leave, his anger and frustration increased with every moment that he knew she was there. She didn't know what being so close to her was doing to him.

"Blaise," Susan spoke his name. "Blaise, look at me."

Blaise turned, wrapping the comforter over his waist and looked at her. The moonlight turned her tousled, blond hair silver and she sat in his bed, with the sheet wrapped around her torso and her lips swollen from his kisses. He had never seen something so beautiful in his entire life.

"What?" he demanded, regretting that he hadn't just done what she had asked.

Instead of frowning at him, being angry or hurt, Susan looked at him with the softest of smiles. "I thought you were supposed to be a true Slytherin?"

Blaise straightened, annoyed, "Of course I am. What does that have to do with anything?"

"What kind of Slytherin, what kind of sixteen year old, turns down his willing girlfriend? That doesn't seem to be a very Slytherin like thing to do," she responded, that stupid smile still on her face. "You even stayed with me all day today and never once complained or asked to leave. You let me cry on your shoulder and carry on and you didn't leave me to my grief."

"One that is not a fool," Blaise answered, but didn't understand what she was driving at and really didn't want to discuss it that minute. He was having a hard time focussing on her words and not focussing on how little she was wearing.

"I thought you Slytherin's were supposed to be only concerned about yourselves, your money, your wealth and your own happiness," Susan continued.

"We are," Blaise agreed.

"Then why today?" she asked pushing her hair back over her shoulder.

Blaise shook his head at the foolish question, "Because only an idiot does not take care of what is his own and, as I said, my desires are much more long term."

"His own?" Susan asked suprised. "I am yours?"

Blaise waved his hand in the air. Sometimes, women just did not put things in perspective. "Why would I care if you weren't? Why would I want you at my side when the entire world finds out about the Arrows? Why would I have sat through everything today if you were not?"

"Are you mine as well?" Susan asked, ignoring Blaise's condescending tone.

"Excuse me?" Blaise sneered.

"In that, I may be proud of all you have accomplished with the Arrows. That you actually enjoyed your job this summer and are starting to make more friends at school and concerning yourself more with what happens outside of your own little world. That you are mine to be there for me when I need you?" Susan asked and leaned forward once more.

Blaise pondered her words, but found nothing wrong with her argument. "In that, yes, I am yours as well," he grudgingly admitted.

Susan's smile widened further and she leaned over to him, wrapping her hand around his neck and kissing him passionately before pulling on her robe and getting out of the bed. "I love you, Blaise Zaibini," she told him matter-of-factly. "I know it upsets your Slytherin principles to care so much for another person, to trust them and want things for them. However, I do love you, Blaise, and next time I offer, I expect you to take me up on it."

As Susan moved to leave his room, Blaise scrambled across the bed and closed the door, keeping her body pinned between his own desires and the hard oak door behind her. "You're a fool, Susan Bones," Blaise told her, kissing her deeply as he momentarily lost the control he was so desperately trying to keep. He broke the kiss leaving them both gasping for air, "To admit such a thing to a selfish creature such as myself. Zaibini's do not tell people they 'love' one another. It is a ridiculous affliction."

"I am sure Zaibini's also don't turn down their girlfriends for sex because they are afraid the girl may regret it later. I am sure they don't sit through funerals, send flowers, and hold someone while they are crying. You're right, Blaise. I am sure you are right. You did all of that because you were being selfish. It was fun for you today and you enjoyed denying me tonight. I am sure that that was all in your best, selfish, interest."

Blaise frowned at her, but Susan was not phased in the least. "You don't have to say it, Blaise. I just wanted you to know how I felt." She pushed him back away from the door and kissed his cheek, "Good night."

Blaise watched the door close behind her, but didn't move as Susan's words began registering to his addled brain. He couldn't be in love with her. He was a Slytherin for Merlin's sake. He had long considered her 'his.' He was attracted to her, admired her intelligence and demeanor, she understood him like no one else before her, and he respected her ease with others and her selflessness. He trusted her like he had never trusted another.

But Slytherins never say, "I love you." That leaves a person too vulnerable. Yet, she had said that to him. She was a foolish girl, too open with her emotions and too upset by her Aunt's death to be thinking straight. He slammed his fist into the door jamb, the pain a welcome relief of his tensions.

He turned back to the bed and flopped down, running his hand through his hair in frustration. Love is a stupid, weak emotion and he was most certainly NOT feeling that towards the Hufflepuff. He was NOT. He trusted her, but there was no love. There was a mutual respect, and enjoyment of each other's company, a desire for her and those damn legs, but nowhere in there was love.

Love is a weakness, a delusion, a need for something and implied that you set another's needs above your own. There was no place in life for such a ridiculous sentiment. He was with Susan because . . . because she was sexy, because her familial connections were good, because she was not an embarrassment to him, and because he saw amazing potential in her. She would be the mother of his children someday and the head of his house. She would be unaffected by the wealth. She would entertain with decorum and would be respected in the community, adding to his family's wealth and influence by a goodly measure. She would be an adequate match for him. Not for some time yet, for he was in no hurry, but he would not lose her to a lesser man.

That was what he was after, a suitable partner in his life. A woman he could trust, that would meet his strict criteria and sensibilities of what that woman could and would be. It was not about love, it was about . . . about mutually beneficial agreements. Of course he would care about her own needs and desires, just as she should concern herself with his. It was a necessity. That was not love though. It was not a sacrificing of one's self for another. He was not fool enough to do such a thing.

Yet, hadn't he already? He'd been here this day, embarrassed his family by being seen in public with a Hufflepuff on his arm? He'd forced his choice of her down his family's throats, and disregarded their censure as ridiculous. Susan was much more than any of them recognized from atop their respective pillars of self importance. He wanted her there with him and wanted to be there when she needed him. He wanted to comfort her, to make love to her, to dry her tears, and share her laughter.

Blaise laid back on the sheets, knowing that no more sleep would be his this night and contemplated her statement. He would need to tell her what he expected, but not now. The gala, the announcement and his birthday in front of all of the most wealthy and influential wizards in the world would be at his house in two weeks. If she was the woman he expected her to be, he would know after that night. If it was successful, perhaps they would discuss this thing she called "love."


End file.
